x_demise's Xanga

Saturday, April 21, 2007

Sat, 21 Apr 2007 11:43:15 GMT

thanks to those who hated me; you made me a stronger person.
thanks to those who loved me; you made my heart grow fonder.
thanks to those who envied me; you made my self-esteem grow stronger.
thanks to those who cared; you made me feel important.
thanks to those who entered my life; you made me who i am today.
thanks to those who left; you showed me that nothing lasts forever.
thanks to those who stayed; u showed me the true meaning of friendship.

Saturday, April 07, 2007

Sat, 07 Apr 2007 19:31:36 GMT

4;30AM
ignore me.
i feel like rambling for a bit.

i can`t sleep.
there`s thoughts in my mind.
really confusing the bitch outta me.

i can`t seem to find the words to put down how i`m feeling..
there`s so much in my mind - i don`t know what to do.
you can laugh all you want,
label me all you want about it,
this is another pointless post from steph,
it makes her feel better.
don`t like it? - live with it.
cause it`s not gonna shut me up.

i don`t think anyone can help me right now..
noone will understand, noone will listen.
& what i say doesn`t seem to make sense anymore,
nothing comes out right, nothing ever works out.
i feel so.. small; so much shit but i can`t do anything about it.

it`s like nothing is ever stable for me,
everytime i`m happy, things gradually starts falling apart,
this happens to me over and over and over again.
and everytime, it seems to get a lil worse.
i`m so fucking tired. i don`t want to go through this anymore.

friends i had that were once really close to me,
seem to be falling out with me each day.
maybe i`m just being paranoid,
but i can`t seem to work out who`s gonna be there for me anymore;
i don`t know who i can trust.
i don`t know what`s going on, i don`t know what i`m doing.
what`s worse.. i don`t think before my actions.
and that`s probably why i keep ending up in so much shit.
when i`m left in a difficult situation,
i don`t do the best things to solve it.
i`m so stupid - i don`t think.

i wish i had someone by my side but hey,
you should never depend or rely on someone/something too much,
cause face it, someday, sometime,
that someone/somethings not gonna be there anymore.
& you`re just gonna suffer even more.
i need to learn how to face reality on my own.
i need to learn how to sort things out on my own,
i need to learn how to not drag people into my shit.
it`s called independency,
the thing that i don`t seem to have.

life can really a bitch hmm?

i can go on and on,
but then again, i can`t blame anyone but me for all this crap.
i had the choices, but i constantly choose the wrong ones.
i have trusted the wrong people, i have followed the wrong path;
i chose to believe lies, i chose to not listen to some of my closest friends.
i feel so alone, i feel like letting go,
i can`t work out what`s right to do.
i can`t even work out what`s right or wrong anymore.

i don`t know what my point is,
i don`t know where this is leading to,
i don`t know what`s going to happen,
maybe i`m wrong about everything,
but i don`t know what to do,
is there even anything i can do?

i`m sorry to those who i have hurt,
i`m sorry for all the shit.
i`m sorry for letting you guys down,
i`m sorry for everything.

i hope you`re happy now.

Saturday, January 20, 2007

Sat, 20 Jan 2007 00:48:27 GMT

aaron. MILKMEN own UMC says:
u havent updated urs since like
aaron. MILKMEN own UMC says:
forever
aaron. MILKMEN own UMC says:
hAHah
* stephstuur, says:
hahah yeah i know
* stephstuur, says:
i need something to update about
aaron. MILKMEN own UMC says:
LOL
aaron. MILKMEN own UMC says:
update about...
aaron. MILKMEN own UMC says:
i duno
aaron. MILKMEN own UMC says:
ferrero rocher

so here`s a ferrero rocher update for you :)

"Ferrero Rocher are small, spherical chocolate sweets made
by Ferrero SpA. The sweets consist of a whole roasted hazelnut
encased in a thin wafer shell filled with nutella/hazelnut cream
and covered in milk chocolate and chopped hazelnuts.
The sweets are individually packaged in a gold-coloured wrapper."

hahah, find me on
facebook - myspace - deviantart

Sunday, November 05, 2006

Sun, 05 Nov 2006 14:29:41 GMT

*nicole<3to steph: whorebag says:
NO ONE USES XANGA NAYMORE
*nicole<3to steph: whorebag says:
WE USEEE MYSPACEEEE YOU NOOOB

hahah, rolls eye*
find me here

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Wed, 01 Nov 2006 14:32:12 GMT

Thursday, October 19, 2006

Thu, 19 Oct 2006 12:18:32 GMT

it`s been a while since i`ve done a proper update.. heh.

PROJECT RUNWAY
2005

2006

hAHAHA, i`ve turned from a punk to a barbie LOL.
anyhoo, i LOVE YOU GUYS: kate, mandy & vicky <3
though we didn`t win.. i had lots of fun!
thanks again girlsssss :)

special thanks to nicole & jen for helping out :)

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Tue, 19 Sep 2006 07:56:42 GMT

Sunday, August 27, 2006

Sun, 27 Aug 2006 14:47:57 GMT

she`s standing on the line between giving up
and seeing how much more she can take
*

Friday, August 25, 2006

Fri, 25 Aug 2006 17:21:27 GMT

maybe is sucha frustrating word;
maybe i`ll give up on you,
maybe i can stop thinking about you.
then again, maybe you will fall for me.

fuck it all.

* oh yes, and you, YOU, yes you bitch,
you bitches start backstabbing me and going against your word.
thinking "ooh, she`ll never find out,"
but guess what bitch?
i heard.

whatever.
gay motherfuckers.

Monday, August 07, 2006

Mon, 07 Aug 2006 09:42:06 GMT

RAAAAAH.
how`s everyone`s holiday goin?
here`s what i`ve been up to :)

july14th

july15th

july23rd

july30th

july31st

thankyous: victoria, nicole, maggie, mandy, joanne, verena, sharon
van, kent, ben, dustin, clifton, john, aaron, arthur, jeremy, joan, adrie,
joanna, elson, edward, peter, rahul, jennifer, jason, charles, vonna,
staci, jan, leon, alisha, dan, benj, jacqo, jamie and anyone i missed :P

love you all so, so much